The Attack of the Crocs

During the long hiatus when I disappeared off to Muggerland, Metro, for reasons unknown, held another one of its ludicrous Crocs sales.

Following what appears to be the start of a disturbing tradition, the parents rushed down to the store in eager anticipation to pile the house with more of those horrific appendages, abandoning their two children to the ignomity of having instant noodles for lunch.

The good news was, by the time the parents reached, the number of slippers had already dwindled to a low number (where did they go to? It is one of the mysteries of life.) The bad news was, by the time the parents reached, the number of slippers had dwindled to a low number.

They came back with three pairs of slippers, looking distinctively disatisfied. The first slippers I pulled out were ugly; the next two shocked me.

'What,' I said, holding the slippers in between my thumb and index for fear of diseasing them, 'is this?'

'Crocs.' said mama.

'Yes,I noticed. I mean, where did you choose this colour?'

I will not put the picture up, because everyone will become colourblind if they see it. Instead, very succintly, I will tell you that it is a lurid purplish pink colour, with a neon quality to it.

Then I pulled out the third slipper, which, saved for the size, was hideously identical to the second.

'This feels a little like deja vu.'

'Do you like it?' said papa proudly.

'Papa, if you don't want me to hurt your feelings, maybe you shouldn't ask me this question.'

'It's qing li slippers!' (You know couple tees? Yea, my parents apparently developed their own version, called couple crocs.)

I stared hard at them. 'You are kidding.'

'Of course not,' said papa obliviously. 'We are going to wear them out for dinner later.'

'If you do that, papa, I will walk at least 10 metres behind you and mama.'

'What's wrong? I thought you like pink!'

'Oh my, don't insult me. I like pink. This slipper hasn't even got the grace to decide whether its pink or purple.'

'Oh,' said papa thoughtfully. 'There was a red one...'

'Then why didn't you get it?'

'Mama said this colour was nicer.'

Mama did? My mama, whom I seek opinions on for all my clothes, said this colour was nice? My fashion adviser? This is omnimous.

'Do you want it instead?' said mama helpfully. 'You are looking for a pair of new slipper after all.'

'It's ok, i am not desperate mama.'

I prayed, of course, that this was a very bad joke, and the slippers were to be used for the toilet or something. But later on, both my parents were walking ahead of me proudly, their slippers practically glowing in the dark for all to see. At this rate of crocs buying, I predict we will have enough crocs to last for the next ten years.

Oh my god.